Perinatal Mental Health Week - Sam's Story
Perinatal Mental Health Week aims to bring about awareness and better understanding of perinatal mental health. 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men will experience anxiety and/or depression in the perinatal period.
This year's theme was Connection through conversation. Honest and compassionate conversations about perinatal mental health are life changing. If you are experiencing any symptoms of perinatal mental health that are affecting your daily function and mental and emotional wellbeing after your baby's birth, it's a good idea to talk to someone.
Once you start talking, you might be surprised at how many others have had similar experiences and the support they can provide you.
This year we heard from our passionate advocate and midwife, Samantha, who has experienced many complex emotions during her pregnancy and postnatal journey, including anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, numbness and severe sleep deprivation.
Sam's story
My mental health journey started in 2019 when I was undergoing IVF treatment and suffered my first miscarriage. My partner was working overseas at the time, and I had no family in Australia, so it was a very sad and lonely time. I also had my 7-year-old son to look after and I tried to put on a brave face for him, even though I felt as though my world was falling apart. I had to have a D&C (dilation and curettage) which I found so incredibly upsetting and traumatic, and due to COVID-19, I couldn't have a support person with me, and my partner was still away.
Very soon after this my partner (who was still overseas) and I commenced another IVF cycle. Hoping things would be different this time, we were optimistic. We were beyond shocked to find out we were expecting twins.
I struggled mentally with this news, and I didn't feel the joy others expect you to feel when you find out you are pregnant. The list of fears was endless and consuming. There were fears of another miscarriage, fears of how we would cope with two babies with no family support. Having one baby is difficult enough and I was worried how I would deal with having two at the same time. I had concerns about finances, sleep deprivation and breast feeding to name a few. I remembered how hard the breastfeeding and sleep deprivation had been with my first born. This was also a high-risk pregnancy as the twins were MCDA (monochorionic diamniotic - twins are the product of a single fertilised egg) and sharing a placenta. Being a Midwife I knew the risks, knowledge isn't always power! I didn't want twins, I wanted a singleton, normal healthy pregnancy. This is when I first started to see my wonderful psychiatrist at King Edward Memorial Hospital.
At 13 weeks, I found out that one of the twins no longer had a heartbeat and I felt numb. This is when my mental health really started to deteriorate. I knew I felt sad, but I was confused as to whether I felt relief, or if I felt that it was my fault for not wanting twins. At the time the second twin looked heathy, and I was reassured my pregnancy would probably continue with no issues and with less stress on the placenta. My world fell apart again when at 14 week there was no heartbeat. I had lost two daughters.
Now I had no babies and I hated myself, I thought I deserved this. I needed another D&C. My partner was finally flown back from overseas but because of COVID-19, was isolated in hotel quarantine for two weeks.
We had no embryos left and somehow, we found the strength to start IVF again. I wasn't excited and the fear and sadness consumed me. I knew I was depressed but kept pushing forward. I couldn't believe it when we fell pregnant with twins again. Emotionally I was all over the place and didn't know what to feel, and as the pregnancy progressed, I was consumed with anxiety of losing one or both babies. I found it difficult to connect with the pregnancy and the babies.
I gave birth in December 2021 during COVID-19 at 29 weeks to our two tiny boys, Harry and Jack. They weighed just 1200g and 1300g. The twins spent nine weeks in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and no one was able to visit.
The NICU journey took a further toll on my mental health, and I felt exhausted from daily trips to the hospital, pumping for two babies, and trying to maintain normality for my 8-year-old on school holidays.
When the twins came home, the sleep deprivation was next level-two premature babies who had high needs took its toll. I had no family support and I simply felt like I couldn't do it. My mood continued to deteriorate, and I felt empty and alone. Some days I felt nothing. I suffered from awful insomnia even though I was beyond exhausted. Six weeks after the twins came home, I was admitted to the Mother and Baby Unit (MBU) where I had a five week stay.
The MBU provides specialist care for women from late pregnancy up until baby is walking. The team provide care from psychiatry, GP, nursing and allied health and the facilities are designed to support the mother in meeting her baby's needs while focusing on assessment and treatment of mental health issues.
21 months on and I'm still medicated, but life is very different now. Our boys are thriving, I'm getting more sleep and my mood is stable. I have surfaced from the very dark place I was once in. I continued to visit my psychiatrist at King Edward Memorial Hospital for a year after the twins were born and then they assisted in the transfer to community services for ongoing support.
As a Midwife and a mother, I am a passionate advocate for maternal mental health. I once felt ashamed of my story, especially as a Midwife, but I have learnt that mental health doesn't discriminate and it's important to share your story. I hope I can help others by sharing my journey.
Listen to Sam's story on ABC Radio Perth (external site)
More information
Women and Newborn Health Service Mental Health Services
Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (external site)
Mental Health Emergency Response Line (MHERL)
Metro Tel: 1300 555 788 (local call)
Peel Tel: 1800 676 822 (free call)
Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) National Helpline
Tel: 1300 726 306
Hours: 10am to 5pm AEST, Monday to Friday